Yesterday, Cedric and I ran into each other at a coffee spot on Battleground near our respective workplaces.
Such an omen on a Tuesday surely signified that we were meant to have lunch together. Here's our run down of the options. Cause that's what we do when a decision needs to be made and we don't have time for a
Sushi Republic: if Patrick is slingin' and if we feel like we can cram lunch into 35 minutes (b/c of driving time and parking bullshit)
Saffron (for the lunch buffet): possibility of encountering participants from the hipster olympics eating samosas, smoking,and crocheting owl-shaped change purses. Hipsters love Indian food. (might be expensive- we may need to dip into our trust funds!)
Pita Delite: because they will say "HELLO LADIEEEEES" to us
Mickey D's: to celebrate JT's concert on HBO ("i'm lovin it") and to soak up the AWESOME service (the one at Friendly's, not the one at Cone and Battleground)
Earth Fare: if we need to lots of high fiber options here
Jimmy Johns: in case we're in the mood for mayonnaise
Biscuitville: because if we can catch them before 2:00, why the hell not??!
Lucky 32: to revel in the -like photography that has (Nancy) graced its walls since the early 90s!
FYI, we ended up at Q'Doba. I rated my -like lunch of government commodities (beans, cheese, rice) wrapped in a tortilla an Orwellian 2 out of 37 stars. Counting down till Chipotle opens!
The inaugural season of PALS begins this fall. Just letting you know.
In case you weren't aware, PALS is the funniest Internet sitcom about Greensboro ever made. Earlier this summer, we got our sweaty little hands on this clip of the opening credits, and we haven't been able to put it down since. Keep your ears to the grounds people, because come September, Greensboro will be spelled P-A-L-S.
There are few things in this world that we love more than a good old-fashioned field trip. We think it's safe to assume that luxurious charter buses, frozen boxes of Hi-C, and museum-based edutainment motivated more school attendance than the promise of in a distant and abstract future ever could.
So, being the bon vivants that we are, last weekend we took a fresh stab at field tripping. After turning out our pockets only to see that we didn't have enough scratch to get us even halfway to we realized we wouldn't be leaving the confines of Guilford County. After just a little pissing and moaning about our un-rich state, we decided to and make the most of our own local playground, Greensboro. And if you have access to a car and some cash, you too can spend your in...
Fanta-City!
The Triad's international shopping, entertainment and cultural center
With only a vague, yet intense, desire for bubble tea and a hazy notion of what the hell Fanta-city even is, we from the hot newly paved asphalt of the Fanta-lot into the most prominent door we could find. The first good omen of the day was propped up against that door:
We checked out the Fanta-stickal before we got there, so we were able to compose a short shopping list.REALLY! You will be graciously offered installation of a Korean language pack and your mouse will trail a glitterous rainbow of stars all over the page- it's pretty fucking magical and it got us really excited about Fanta-land before we even got there.)
Since Fanta-city, true to its name, is set up like a town square of pan global shops, each one a magical portal to another culture, we decided to get a lay of the land before we got tit-deep in shopping or accidently locked ourselves in an unfinished community meeting room. We spotted a barber shop, a day spa ($35.00 mani or pedi), and this lovely outlet on our first spin around the block:
The inside of Fanta-city reminded us of hospitals, airport terminals, and the hallways of brand-new suburban high schools. (From the outside Fanta-city kind of looks like a Chi-Chi's restaurant-cum-bus stop.) Oh, and since we're ladies, we checked out the bathrooms. They are both HUGE (we mean more stalls than the recently departed Flying Anvil had) and clean. Our two favorite features in a bathroom! They also have the look of bathrooms that are not heavily used, but more on that later.
The next "stop":
The words "empty classroom" best describe the Dream Bus Stop, but OH it has already inspired. Aparently, the Maryland-based Dream Tours has decided to grace Greensboro with a stop on its cross-country gypsy railroad runs connecting Hotlanta to NYC via D.C. Can you cruise the east coast, hopping from Chinatown to Chinatown for less than a 100 bones? Dear readers, we are counting on it.
We think everything on this whole shelf was a Central American cure for foot fungus. That shelf was one of our favorite TINGS! (See "Ting" in photo.) Since this particular store was we pledged to come back later so we could pick up some tomato shampoo and conditioner that had a drawing of a ninja on it. There was sooo much in this store we wanted to buy!
T'inking about Ting made us thirsty, so we stopped at the Indu Convenient Store for, what else,
Fanta and phone cards. And some cardamon pods. And some powdered pomegranate, pickled mango, frozen naan, and
The outdoor tables also offer a nice view of West Market. Indu Market has everything you need to create an Indian meal, or just chill.
Having refreshed ourselves and purchased our fill of $5.00 phone cards, we brought our thinning wallets into Creative Fashion.
Cute, right? And it was ALL TAX-FREE! (For that weekend only, sadly.) Which made it even cuter. We found (celebrities wear them, so they must be slutty high quality), fabulous SHADES, and a brand of jeans from Canada that we haven't even heard of. It's more than Creative. It's inspired.
Speaking of fashion...
And yes, there is Tae Kwon Do at Fanta-city:
Perhaps more important than or Martial Arts, (though, god knows, they are two of the most important things in this world) is the Fanta-food court. It is, of course, pan global. It is also a lot like a church fellowship hall. We felt so relaxed in the cafeteria-like setting, we forgot to take a picture. Picture it: Asian cafe (Malaysian food, we think), Japanese Hibachi place, Taste of Thai Express, Fresh Spot something (smoothies, fruit, sleek green tiled decor), and a soon-to-open pizza place. We totally felt like we were in L.A.! Except there was a lot less
And that bubble tea?
We found it!
Good god, we love those big straws. And at U and J Coffee and Cafe, you don't have to elbow past a crowd for a cup! (Hopefully, that will change and they will be as busy as a bubble tea hut in this should be.) We even got an adzuki bean bun, which we couldn't eat in its entirety. But that seemed beside the point of just being able to buy it. It was a good thing we didn't find the part of Greensboro Chinatown that sells mogwais. If you spill bubble tea on one,
At the end of our fabulous and edutaining field trip, we surmised that Fanta-City covers the following cultures: Thai, Korean, Mexican, Indian, Southeast Asian in general, African, South American and that's all we got to before we ran out of money, so we'll leave it at that. The main thing that puzzles us is how the whole thing got built and filled with office furniture and merchandise and how long it can possibly stay that way! It was a Saturday, and we saw a total of four other people who were not Fanta-employees. Even the bridal store and baby clothes emporiums were empty, and this was during the tax-free weekend. are involved in financing Fanta-city, but we have no idea how many international investors are betting their chips on this chunk of West Market.
The whole Fanta-city experience far exceeded our expectations, though they were admittedly non-specific to begin with. Nonetheless, our fervent prayer to the retail gods of Greensboro is that Fanta-city takes off and blows the fuck up! Because who needs a Chinatown when you can have a whole Fanta-city!!!! As soon as our first toe touched that hot parking lot we felt like we were home. It was arrival in Israel. If you have a chance to go, we think you'll feel the same way too.
This is my land!
Special thanks to local dramaturg and yachting enthusiast Clifford Sterling III for keeping this field trip hot, spicy, and edutaining.
Tiny and MASSSSSSIVE luxury and they need to hurry up already. We are more than just a tiny bit geeked (and foolishly impatient) for the building of the AWESOME sushi restaurants, fine shopping emporiums, and that are sure to be first on the international businessperson's to do list. To the mayor or anyone else who can bring Neiman Marcus to Greensboro: HOLLA
We don't know what's been happening lately in wood-paneled chambers of the Greensboro City Council and other places that get broadcast on channels 3 and 13, but SOMETHING is going down over a big patch of empty real estate near the Coliseum.
Usually, we don't give two squirts of duck shit (or even one!) about local politics and landgrabs and such trifles, but big chunks of space going up for sale get us REAL EXCITED. They awaken the latent dreams within us for a better, more awesome city. Greensboro needs so many things to make it livable- we don't know if there are enough shopping centers slated for bulldozing to accommodate our splendid and expansive vision! (Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus, French Connection, H&M, freestanding Cinnabon with drive-thru, etc.)
If it is indded being sold, there is only one thing to do.
It is with much pleasure that i break this, our first peace of locally grown news:
While helping a customer at my plantation like job, I noticed that he was wearing a polo shirt with the logo for Sparks (the perfect storm of malt liquor and meth) on it and i asked him if Sparks was his employer. Much to my enjoyment it turned out that he was a salesman for the noble brewery. I then shared with him how crazy in love with his brand me and my friends were and he told me that if he had it and wasn't late for a flight he would have given me some (*boxes joyfully*).
After the blood drained out of my blush ridden cheeks, I asked him what happend to Blue (diet) Sparks. He then told me that the local distributer had dropped it, but they had just been bought by Miller and there was a good chance that it was due to return soon.
Now I am a fan of Classic Orange, however my perpetually dieting associates live and die for Diet Blue. So it is for all of you that I post this news. So put down that Tilt and prepare for the return of the O.G. diet-crak-soda-beer blend!
