Reasons We Haven't Heard From Patrick in a While

Is he too busy partying with Tara Reid in St. Tropez?

Makin' foie gras?

Teaching sign language to Helen Keller?

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Breaking News: Hillary Duff Feels Pressure To Be Thin

This is the fourth estate in action people. Safeguarding American democracy with hard-hitting journalism about tweeny-boppers' pimply, hormone-induced "feelings". "The press can be so judgemental and mean," she says. Frankly, Hills, if you want us to stop being mean, STOP EATING AT GOLDEN CORRAL YOU FAT WHORE!



Honestly I'm surprised the reporter was able to pry her face away from the frozen yogurt machine long enough to get an interview at all. The only feelings I want to hear about from you CNN, are the ones Anderson Cooper has for Jeff Corwin. I'm not friends with chunky little girls, and I don't want to read about them in my news.

In other celebrity diet news: Bubbles Admits To Compulsive Baby-Eating Disorder!!!!!!!!

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